


Strange Darling

by sleepyhyo



Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Mild Blood, Obsessive Behavior, Piercings, Tags make this seem worse than it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:02:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26678662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyhyo/pseuds/sleepyhyo
Summary: Seungjoon would tell you he was a person who needed change, who craved it where so many others feared it. It came second nature to him even if he didn't want to. He had to do it like snakes shedding their skin. So having one thing in life to control, why was that so wrong?
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Lee Seungjoon | J-Us
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Strange Darling

**Author's Note:**

> here i am again with my short ambiguous writings of troubled boys.

Open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. In literacy and on tv they’ll tell you that the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. Like every other addiction it will start small. If it’s through your own will you might say that first time, “I’ll never do it again,” or “I’m only trying it once to see.” Those words could hold truth or be a lie clouded by denial. He’d rather not call it an addiction or for lack of a better word, it could be closer to that of an obsession. It doesn’t seem like either. That word should be for something else, something bigger. Each moment was like a breath of fresh air to him. His suffering ended with the coming of this hobby not the downfall of oneself.

If it was a selfish thing to indulge in it then he was just a selfish person. There was no way he could stop. The holy grail and leading grace in his life came down to it so he will continue to follow.

Getting earrings was not an abnormal thing to do for humans. The ones he had were there so long it was forgettable. Nobody would pay a passing glance to them for it to be so significant. Just a passing part of his outward view to people who saw him. Getting them done, it was his first exposure yet had no effect at all.

Boredom can become a crippling phenomenon and while in it you might come out of it with many different things. Perhaps it was boredom that started it all. Seungjoon thought change was a necessary part of life and changing your look was under that. Searching through the internet mindlessly, almost zombie-like he fell upon clusters of pictures. People with such intricate and even strange hobbies to alter the body. He never saw the need to get a new piercing but in that moment those caught his eye the most. There was so much to it all, more than he thought it would be. So many interesting and beautiful pieces of jewelry could be displayed on your being. It was as simple as that to get them.

So, the second one was meaningful enough.

“A helix.”

“What?” Seungjoon muttered.

“Get that one.”

“Why? I didn’t—“

“You’ll sit here staring into your phone forever trying to choose something until you get a headache.”

Hyojin walked away after that without another word. Just like a ghost ever haunting.

It was strange enough for Hyojin to talk to him alone these days. He even went so far to help him and remember this small thing about him. It made him feel strange and nauseous. Since Seungjoon was the one who put distance between them after all.

Looking back Seungjoon wished Hyojin never had broken that barrier again in that moment.

Seungjoon also did end up getting that one. It’s one of the ones he doesn’t change out as often. It stays the same which was out of the ordinary for his chameleon personality too. In a way, he thought Hyojin was a part of him through it. Wanting that was messed up really but he did. He wanted Hyojin to, and wanted to monopolize him. That’s why he pushed him away partly. Seungjoon felt like an alien. As he looked in the mirror that night his eyes were stuck to his reflection. Mesmerized. He felt warm.

A week later Hyojin had asked to see it and like a fool he turned his head to show him and Hyojin called it pretty. Seungjoon replayed those words over and over.

Just like that an addiction grows stronger. Each time it was like a new sensation as metal pierced through parts of his skin. With a love for the experience came a want to be looked at. His friends reacted to the growing metal on his body with ease. They liked it even. Though they were concerned at first. He does it for himself because he likes how they look, how they feel going in. He likes how Hyojin looks at them too. His barrier was gone and destroyed like rubble beneath his feet. They touch and breathe the same air again like before. It scares Seungjoon because he’s not able to contain himself still. Hyojin is not scared of him, and was never scared actually.

“I could never fear you.”

“I hurt you. I mean I can do it again…”

Hyojin laughs. “Yes but I always knew it. You could one day snap and choke me to death or oh maybe you’d get overwhelmed and stab me in my stomach.”

“That's not funny, Hyojin. I broke your arm. Killing you….it could happen. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hm. You leaving me behind was more of a dick move than that really. Listen. If you wanna walk away from me again then do it but I won’t.”

Seungjoon didn’t want to leave. ‘Look at me, look at me.’ He didn’t get attacked by those thoughts now because Hyojin was with him. So he didn’t leave again.

As they relearned each other, Seungjoon can’t help but feel that he likes it too much. Not just the aesthetics of it but the atmosphere when he went in to get them, the looks he got, and how Hyojin plays with him. That’s how it feels he means. Hyojin likes his piercings a lot. He asks him if he’ll get more and will suggest which would be nice. His favorite thing though is the surprise, and Seungjoon loves his expression when he sees a new one. Yearns for that attention. It was like a game for them. Hyojin will search to find where it is. Seungjoon doesn’t always tell him he got one to make the idea of hunting more alluring. Just like this the addiction becomes a part of you.

Tattoos, they bruise so beautifully and leave behind art but it was something he learned, he didn’t favor the same way. Hyojin had them. They were often covered almost like he was ashamed of them now. It surprised him really to see it happen after some years. Seungjoon was there when he got them and here he is again while they’re hidden from the world like it never happened. He knows what they look like and every line is engraved in his mind. Hyojin lets him touch them still like he never stopped. Seungjoon thinks Hyojin would look so beautiful with something else engraved on his skin. They were different in that way, Seungjoon was constantly changing while Hyojin liked to stay the same. It was a balance but it was not comfortable at all.

Many times he tried to get Hyojin to get piercings but he won’t.

He will only look at him and nod his head no saying, ‘It’s your thing they won’t suit me.’ But, he thinks that’s not true at all. It would look pretty as it does on him. Hyojin’s skin was beautiful to him and he tells him this all the time. Seungjoon would go so far as to say he worshipped that unbroken skin so delicate and clean. To touch it and kiss it is a pleasure all it’s own. But, to mark it and stain it was another all on it’s own. Seungjoon was also like that, seeing something so perfect he wants to destroy it perhaps and then put it back together. He can only go so far with these feelings though. His mind was intrusive and commanding.

The metal in his body served as a shackle to his reality. Everything about them left a reminder on his body of times passed. The few that actually decorated his ears have the lingering tenderness of gentle fingers touching it and teeth pulling against them. The one in his mouth on his tongue reminds him of another that occupies its space sometimes. Or the more obscure ones like a piece hidden underneath the collar of his shirt some days. Boldly it shows on his nape. Hyojin found this one with wide eyes and hesitant hands touching it. Lower on his body the infamous chain hanging against his stomach. He still remembers that day. Hyojin snuck a hand under his shirt feeling his belly button curiously.

“Oh? This is new. Didn’t think you’d get one like this.”

“Do you not like it?”

“Of course I like it. Let me get a closer look though.”

His eyes shone so bright and Seungjoon felt like he was drowning. It was like he’d gone head first into deep waters.

Seungjoon loves Hyojin. He wants every part of him even if Hyojin is his again it wasn't enough. Hyojin can tell and tries so hard to let him know he’s all his. Still that worries him to the point his whole body itches. A terrible and nasty sensation that doesn’t go away. He has to be calm, he has to be better. So he tries to hold those impulses down. The impulses that say to slide a blade over Hyojin’s face or wrench his wrists too tight to leave behind harsh red lines. Overbearing urges that make vivid images of him leaving Hyojin shaking helplessly. What was most terrifying is Hyojin wouldn’t even run but allow it all no matter how much it hurts. His nails have dug too deep in smooth thighs, teeth have bit too hard breaking skin and making him pull away as a foreign metallic taste enters his mouth. Seungjoon always stops himself but it becomes harder on each passing day. You can’t help but want more.  
Hyojin holds his hand firm, ‘I’m here.’ It says. Seungjoon sighs because he feels as if he is so easy to read.

“I want to go out.” He says weakly.

Hyojin’s grip loosens and it hurts.

“Please not today. You promised.”

“I…I know but. No I’m sorry I’ll be fine.”

Seungjoon pulls Hyojin closer and holds him. Burying his face into his neck Hyojin sighs. It holds so much relief, Seungjoon feels horrible.

Hyojin whispers, “I’’d like to take you up on your offer.”

He freezes, arms wrapping around a small torso dangerously tight. Did he hear that correctly?

“I know it might sound strange but…if it’s from your hands it’ll be ok I think…”

Seungjoon lets Hyojin pull away and studies his face. There is not an ounce of doubt.

Seungjoon stands on legs that have begun to feel like jelly. They guide him across the room without thinking. Lower and lower he drops to his knees in front of a dark discolored drawer. Pulling it open he reaches inside then turning to look at his lover again. His face still looks open and sure. Seungjoon takes out a kit coming back over to the bed.

“Are you sure you’re ok with this?”

Hyojin closes his eyes and hums to say yes. He was always so peaceful like a walking corpse almost. Still beautiful in its decay.

Watching, his hands held still as the needle pushed through Hyojin’s ear with gloved hands. Hyojin’s face scrunches up from the pain and Seungjoon thinks he looks so nice like that. Putting away his things Seungjoon takes out a simple looking earring and moves to replace that spot with it. Slowly, he puts it through a newly formed hole. Blood starts to come out dripping down over his ear coating the inside. There’s so much of it, too much of it. Hyojin’s fingers go up to wipe some of it away, looking at it with one hand. Seungjoon’s heart beats faster, nerves spiraling. He grabs Hyojin’s hand and he looks up at him and smiles. His other hand caresses the inside of his ear and makes him flush. It’s a strange reaction he thinks but Hyojin was really not that ordinary. Especially since he was with a guy like him. Rubbing the crimson blood between his gloved fingers Seungjoon admires the red painting over white, he wishes to feel it against his bare skin instead.

“I’m going to clean you up, alright?”

“…Ok.”

Using a small q-tip Seungjoon cleans his ear gently trying not to irritate the area. Pulling away he removes his gloves and puts everything to the side. He hold Hyojin’s face admiring his work, and he turns into his palm sweetly.

“How does it look?”

“It looks amazing. You’re so pretty, so unreal. I want to cover you in more.”

“Slow down there. You have all the time in the world.”

Seungjoon thinks this isn’t a set truth but he hopes it will be.

“Ah now we’re matching!”

As Hyojin sits up straight to talk to him Seungjoon feels warm again. As Hyojin’s hands slip into his hair, he moves close to him, and kisses him so slowly everything is quiet. His mind is so quiet.

Just like that Seungjoon felt they were a part of one another.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me if you want to see updates on stuff like this and other crazy shit also i love talking to people +_+ [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sleepyhyo)


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